Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
