Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
