he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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