i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
