he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
