The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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