I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
