remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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