I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
