i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
