That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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