I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
