I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
