My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
