Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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