I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
