Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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