After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
