like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
