It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
