oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
