Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
