don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
