at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
