The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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