Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do herpes really smell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
