I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
