we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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