I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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