It's like God shit irony all over that family
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
