nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
