i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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