Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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