You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
