Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
