last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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