Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
