I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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