there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
