I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
