I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
