Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
