I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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