after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
