I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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