Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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