You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
