why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
