God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
