she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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