oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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