He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A+ Viking dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
