girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
