Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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