They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
